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MARCH'S FAMOUS FUNNY FARCES 

MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers, LEBANON, OHIO 
PS 635 

Copy 1 Aunt Jane Visits School 

By Jeannette Joyce 



Copyright, 1920, by ]March Brothers 



CHARACTERS 



Teacher — Entirely modern. 

Aunt Jane — Who ivent to school fifty years ago. 

Pupils — Any number. 

Scene: A modern school room. Teacher at desk. {Aimt Jane enters and 
looks about.) 

/ Teacher : Good morning, can I do anything for you? 

Aunt Jane: "Well, I don't know whether you can or not, I 'lowed to visit 
school today, and my niece Sarah told me if I'd come in here, I'd see a 
first-rate school right up to date, so here I be. 

Teacher {giving here visitor a chair) : We are glad to have \'isitors at any 
time. Just now we are ready for our lesson in domestic art. {Addressing 
school.) We will take up our work where we left it yesterday. {All take 
out sewing or knitting from boxes or bags and busy themselves. Teacher 
walks about, giving suggestions. Aunt Jane mystified, opens her mouth 
several times in vain effort to speak, fifially bursts forth.) 

Aunt Jane: My souls alive! Is this a school? I 'lowed to visit a school 
not a Ladies' Aid or Sewing Society; and boys knittin', too. Well, well, 
no wonder people say our country's goin' to the dogs. What's the use of 
this ? Can 't these girls learn to sew at home ? Where 's their mothers ? 

Teacher: Many of them can not. Their mothers, in some cases, must work 
away from home and have no time to teach them. Then, too, some mothers 
do not know how. 

Aunt Jane : Maybe so, maybe so, but we never had such doin 's in my school 
"^^d look at me; I've alius had stylish clothes to wear, and made 'em 
■», hfif skirts with pride.) 



Aunt Jane Vi>;rTs School 






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Teacher: Is there any work you would particularly like to see? We do 
exceptionally good work in manual training. 

Aunt Jane: IManual training! That sounds right; I believe in training. 
I tell ray niece Sarah there aint enough of it by no means in. this day. I'd 
admire to see a class in training. 

Teacher {to class) : "VVe will show our visitor some of our work in manual, 
training. Let us do our best to prove how busy and skillful we can be. 
{Each desk heco^yies a work-icnch. Both hoys and girls hegm sawing, pound- 
ing, measuring and fitting together pieces of wood. Aunt Jane astonished, 
tries to shiit out noise hij holding hands over her ears. Filially she grabs 
her umhrella and pounds on floor.) 

Aunt Jane: Stop this racket; I say stop it, can't you? {Teacher silences 
all hy lifting hand. Pupils husy themselves with various tasks hut glance 
up with amused eyes at visitor, from time to time.) 

Aunt Jane: Now I didn't lay out this morning to visdt a carpenter's shop, 
nor a blacksmith's establishment — I came to visit school. 

Teacher: Why this is school. These children are being educated through 
the use of the hand. It has been discovered that wonderful mental develop- 
ment results from just 'such exercise. 

Aunt Jane: Law, you don't say! Well, it's a wonder old Sawyer, the wood- 
chopper as chopped wood in our neighborhood goin' on sixty years, didn't 
turn out a Solomon. 

Teacher: The reason is his energy was not directed. I think perhaps you 
would enjoy seeing a class in folk dancing. That demonstrates the manner 
in which even the training of the foot enlarges the mind. 

Aunt Jane: Do you mean to say you teach dancin'? Teach dancin' right in 
the school house? Well, wonders never cease! No, I don't want to see it. 
Hearin' of it's enough. And as to its helpin' the mind, if that's so, what's 
the reason my second cousin's boy, Sam, who can dance as purty a jig as 
you ever see, is only about half-witted? 

Teacuer {still anxious to impress her visitor) : We teach many other things. 
Education has become very broad. We aim to educate every part of the child. 

Aunt Jane: Well, I should say so. Do you have any lessons at all? 

Teacher: Why, these are lessons, all of them. 

Aunt Jane: Shucks, you may think so, I s'pose you do; but I mean real les- 
sons that make you work up here {taps forehead), and remember, like n^- 
old spelling matches and figgering drills. Let's hear - ' ^ 



Aunt Jane Visits School 



Teacher: Really, I am very sorry, but this is Tuesday, and our work in 
domestic science, manual training, home decorating, dress making, drawing, 
music and physical culture take up the entire day. We have spelling on 
Friday, and we do some work in arithmetic on that day, too. Could you come 
back to see us then ? 

Aunt Jane {leaving) : No, I couldn't. Look here, you're a nice young thing, 
and these children are real pert lookin' — most of 'em — ^but if you call this a 
school, you're mistaken, that's all. You ought to 'a seen Persimmon Ridge 
School where I went fifty years ago. 

{Curtain) 



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MARCH'S FAMOUS FUNNY FARCES 

Fiv« for 25 cents. Not Lesa than Five Sold. 

ArNT JANE VISIT8 SCHOOL. By .Toannpttc Joyoo. Any nnmlxT of males and females. After fifty 

years Auul Jane spends u niorninR In a modern scb<K»l. Her observations keep the audience in a roar. 
Al'NT JEKl SUA AM> I NCLK JOSH. By Kffie Louise Koogle. 1 male, 2 females. These eccentric 

folk visit the school, producing no end of fun. 
AINT Ll'ClNDY STAYS. By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 females. Two darky characters make 

lots of fun. L'lever and clean. 
"BEAT IT!" By Willis N. BuglK-e. 3 males, 1 female. A ecoldine wife makes trouble for everybod.v, 

the parson Included. Oc<>ans of fun. 
BETTY .\ND BETSY'. By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 females. Betsy was advertised for sale, but 

he wanted Betiy. Bricbt and pretty. 
THE Bl'GTOWN BAND. By Archibald Humboldt. 4 males. 1 female. More fun than you can Imagine. 

and a little music which anylwdy can make. 
THE BIZZVILLE NEWS. By Etfie Louise Koogle. 2 males, 1 female. A breezy conversation between 

the manager and new editor. A sure hit. 
DOT ENTERTAINS. By Klizab.th F. Guptill. 1 male, 1 female. Dot entertains her big sister's beau, 

inul the tilings she tells him are a plenty. A bic success. 
THE <iOOSE EEATHEKBED. By Willis N. Buiibee. 4 males, 1 female. A dandy little play for Irish 

und ecrentric characters. Easy and annisinc. 
HASTE M.YKES WASTE. By Harriette Wilbur. 3 males. The young drug clerk hurriedly grabs the 

wrong buttle and learns that haste makes waste. 
IN A DOCTOR'S OFITCE. By Jeannette Joyce. 4 males, females. A take-off on the specialist of 

today. Incidentally a number of the follies of humanity are exposed In a laughable manner. 
LAI GHTER AND SONG. By Archibald Humboldt. 3 males, 4 females. Comic dialog Interspersed with 

jolly songs, making a continuous funny story. 
LOOK OIT lOR IIEZEKIAH. By Louise Hand Bascom. 3 males. 1 female. Hayseed parents visit 

college dean. Splenditl opi«(rtunlty for clever acting. Bright and amusing. 
THE M'N.VTIC OR THE I'ROrESSOR. By Louise Rand Bascom. 2 males, 2 females. The lunatic 

is mistaken lor the brain sriecialist, which is hard on the lunatic. Great. 
MORE Tl.ME Ol T. By Carolyn F. Kice. 7 females. An amusing comedy dealing with the servant 

problem. The characters are strongly contrasted. Easy, but effective. 
NO I'EDDLERS AD.MITTED. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 1 female. The busy man Intended not 

to I'liy, but the peddler had a suave manner. 
OH, YOU TEACHER! By C. A. Donaldson. S males, 4 females. A splendid comedy of school life, 

sbowiiit' the amateur teacher's trials. Funny and well suited for schools. 
ONE ON THE ACiENT. By T.ouise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. A clever skit, bright and telling 

reimrtee. Ftceoinmendeil for all occasions. 
THE "rHYSIC.4I. TORTURE" CI.IB. By Willis N. Bugbee. 2 males, 2 females. Physical culture 

exer(i>es lor which Ma is too stout and I'a is too rheumatic. Killingly funnv. 
A PROPOSAL IN GRANDMA'S DAY, By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males, 2 females. Full of fun for 

the modern audience. 
RASTIS BLINK'S MINSTRELS. By Effie Louise Koogle. For any number. His "Kinky Koons" are 

killing. The joUiest minstrel show ever. A deluge of drollery. 
"SCAT!" By Ijonise Rand Bascom. 1 male, 1 female. Cunning attempt of an olil maid to prove her 

youth. Very laughable. 
SEEING THE ANI.MALS. By Clara J. Denton. 1 male, 2 females. A swell hotel clerk, a suffragette, 

and a srH.)iled child make a lively time. A lilt. 
THE SQCASHVILLE FIRE BRIGADE. By Willis N. Bugbee. 3 males, 2 females, and other Bremen, 

if desired. A brisk an<i snapiiy little dialog. Easy and clever. 
THE STL'PID WITNESS. By Archibald Humlioldt. 3 males. The lawyer .ind witness lock horns and 

have an awful time, but it's fun for the audience. Swift and keen. 
THE TRAIN LEAVES IN TEN MINUTES. By Louise Rnnd Bascom, 1 male, 2 females. Will they 
"■fnlch the train? The awful suspense is punctured by fun and wit. 
TIIE TRAIN TO MORROW. By Jeannette Joyce. 3 males, 2 females. Confusion In a rallwmy 

Ttation resulting In no end of fun for the audience. 
THE TRAVELING PHOTOGRAPHER. By Kate Alice White. 3 males, 2 females. He unexpectedly 

visits a farmer's familv. All work is stopped and they pose for the picture. 
AN UP-TO-DATE PROPOSAL. By Jeannette Joyce. 2 males. 2 females. A roaring farce that will 

keep the audience interested every minute. Effective when used with "A Proposal in Grandma's Day," 

but each complete In itself. . „ , . . , 

Vt'ANTED: A LICENSE TO WICD. By Elizabeth F. Guptill. 2 males, 1 female. Humorous situation 

resulting from a misunderstanding. Irish dialect. 

No entertainments sent On approval or exriiangred. 

MARCH BROTHERS, Publishers, 208-210-212 Wright Ave, Lebanon, O. 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 

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